Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
