i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
