I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
