I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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