Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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