Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
