I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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