Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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