Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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