I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
