So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
