Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
