just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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