At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
