I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
false alarm. still invincible.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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