Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
