I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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