she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
