she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
