it was like his penis was on wheels.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
