I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
