I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
