You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
