I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
