Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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