Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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