we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
