GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
