i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
