respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
