Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
