Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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