I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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