proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
