You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
