I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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