I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
