My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
