Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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