nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
