Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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