then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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