Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
