I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
