I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
BRING THE BAGELS
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
