He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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