I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we made out on top of his cat.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
