My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
