I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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