My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
