I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
