Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
